Grief and What it is doing to me!

(So far I have only wrote to Liam, but I also would like to write in general)

Grief...ohh the awful grief that comes with losing a child, not just losing a child but choosing to terminate your pregnancy for the sake of the baby's suffering.  This type of grief is awful and will consume you, it will eat you up and spit you out.  Along with this grief is families, friends, co-workers, and just about the whole world who not even coming close to understanding what you are feeling.  All they know is that you are a mom who was pregnant, isn't now and life goes on. WTF?!?!?! Yeah....  What they do see is your anger, your lashing out, the fumes in your heart, the madness, the never ending tears, but don't really understand why, they don't understand why you can't stand to be around people or get mad when someone isn't compassionate enough (guess what people suck at being compassionate, yes they DO!)  Let me tell you how this makes a mom to an Angel baby feel; it feels like total shit..shit...shit!  All my (our) dreams for the child we never got to meet are gone, all our hopes for the new child to be, went out the window the day the child died, motherhood has been robbed, sleepless nights won't happen for the reasons of a crying, hungry, or dirty diaper baby, but instead happen because the thoughts of the baby consume your mind at all hours; walking, talking, potty training, and new things will never be; pre-school will never come; school at all will never come. nor will any firsts.  All firsts have been shredded to pieces and will never be; fun days of playing will never happen and the child will never get to learn.  There is so much more that dies along with a baby when it passes away, the physical entity is not the only thing that disappears.  This is what an angel mom had to look forward to when she first found out she was pregnant; the love in her heart grew a million times what it was and then shortly thereafter it was ripped out of her.  Next time, you find out that someone has a lost pregnancy for any reason, do not judge, do not act like you know, do not pretend to understand, but instead REALLY think about what that person might be feeling and how you would feel if this happened to you because remember it's shit, total shit and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy because NOBODY deserves this kind of hurt....