Gone forever...

Liam,

......

I don't really know what I even feel anymore, I don't know what to think, I don't know what to do.....

I say this repeatedly and I will say it everyday, but I miss you, I miss you more than anything in this world...If love could have saved you...

I have been so adamant about keeping your memory alive that it almost makes me angry because people do not look at you the way I do, people do not love you like I do, people do not understand the emotions I feel.  Its very frustrating for me to get the same respect for you as somebody who spent time on earth, then passed away.  Why, why can't they see...why can't they understand?...

I do firmly believe, Seed, that you were given to me and taken back, so that I could tell the world your story and find my Faith.  I truly now believe that I cannot go forward with God.  He does not judge me for decision, but instead embraces me for my decision based around love.  I have become closer to God and tomorrow your daddy and I are joining the Church (Daddy is getting baptized too) I am so excited for this, we can move forward with that at least.  Also, tomorrow is your memorial.  I want and needed to do this for you, for me, for us. But let me tell you a little secret, it hurts more than I've hurt before.  It means this is final, yes it's been final since January 2, but this really means you are gone and you are never coming back.  My baby boy is gone forever..... you are gone forever, but forever in my heart <3 div="" nbsp="">

I love you always,

mommy