My Dearest Liam

Dear my sweet boy,

I know that you are safe up in Heaven and will never ever suffer, not even a day.  Mommy has been having some very hard days.  Today I broke down and had to call your dad, your grandma and one of your special Aunt's to calm me down.  The tears are swelling up again in my eyes, as I write this.  I miss you more than anything, I miss you in my belly, I miss your heartbeat.  I feel so empty and have nothing left of you inside me.

Mommy is so very sorry that she and daddy ended your short life, but mommy would rather suffer and cry the rest of her life than to have you suffer one day.  You know I did this to save you...I saved your from hurting and suffering.  I keep replaying everything in my head and I feel like I failed you.  I cry everyday for you and long for you to be here with me.... I miss and love you more than anything.

I don't want anyone to ever forget you, even though you were a baby in utero, you were my world, my dreams, my hope and my love.  You were my BABY.  I will never let the world forget you and you know that mommy will never forget you. I know that you are safe up there with GOD and with all your family that has passed.

I wanted you to be here with me but I know that is not how it was meant to be.  I'm so guilty and I feel like I failed you, even though I did this to save you.  One of your very special cousins made mommy a bracelet with the colors of ribbons that represent who you are and I have it on now and it brings me comfort knowing that you are still with me.

I see little babies everywhere and I want them to be you, but that will never be and I know this.  I have your footprints, which are the cutest little darn things ever, but my pain will never end.

I just want you to know how SORRY I am, how I hope that you have forgiven me and even thought I keep saying this, just know that I love you more than anything and you are my Angel baby.

I will write to you again very soon.  I love you baby boy.  Rest in peace, my dear sweet boy.